She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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