how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
