he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
