Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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