so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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