I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
