If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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