Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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