nut hugger
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
