I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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