We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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