he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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