Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
