His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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