he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
