were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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