True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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