we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Houston, we have a squirter
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
