just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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