On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
