The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.