First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.