Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf

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  (832): dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf http://tfl.nu/g2ft
  Replies (6) Good night (583) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm drive I can fine osifer

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  (212): I'm drive I can fine osifer http://tfl.nu/zjuj
  Replies (28) Good night (1306) Bad night (2049) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked

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  (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked http://tfl.nu/ct4t
  Replies (23) Good night (13848) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea

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  (978): I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea http://tfl.nu/kyal
  Replies (28) Good night (3479) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

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  (313): And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono http://tfl.nu/k8o2
  Replies (17) Good night (3815) Bad night (1815) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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  (479): Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke. http://tfl.nu/d4y7
  Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her

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  (914): when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her http://tfl.nu/76rs
  Replies (21) Good night (752) Bad night (3748) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10287) Bad night (1164)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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  (908): Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV http://tfl.nu/9om8
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I deem it safe for us to drink together again.

  (1-928): View more from Arizona

  They dropped the charges?

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Yeppers. Come drink beers.

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  (928): I deem it safe for us to drink together again. (1-928): They dropped the charges? (928): Yeppers. Come drink beers. http://tfl.nu/va29
  Replies (8) Good night (2781) Bad night (565)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.

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  (270): My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore. http://tfl.nu/ol80
  Replies (4) Good night (296) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk

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  (760): I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk http://tfl.nu/6zmb
  Replies (4) Good night (301) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him

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  (904): He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him http://tfl.nu/dcu2
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.

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  (250): Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear. http://tfl.nu/ufbe
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of

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  (306): my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of http://tfl.nu/jepn
  Replies (4) Good night (517) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt

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