Non-Jews are for practice
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything