I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.