its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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