hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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