There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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