The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
