I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
