It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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