How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
