I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
