Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
