wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
