I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
