It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize