who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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