Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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