I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
