toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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