Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
