So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
