i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the condom got lost in my hair
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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