She said her name was "party"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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