The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
