Ambien. No doubt about it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My ass is underappreciated
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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