how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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