I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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