i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
