wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
