I smell stomach acid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
