my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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