u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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