sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
