Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
