Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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