i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
