Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
