I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
