Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
