Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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