i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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