'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
