I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
