I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize