I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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