Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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