You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
