in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
