This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
