I didn't shave. On purpose
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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