Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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