And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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