Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
tell me about the eggs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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