census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
