What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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