Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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