best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
