I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
