You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
