apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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