it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I believe in your delicious
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
